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How Loving Kindness Meditation Can Help Us

Many years ago, a work buddy invited me to a Transcendental Meditation (TM) evening. It was a sunny Auckland evening & frankly, back then, I’d usually be in the pub after work. But I’d recently gone through a break-up & was not keen on old habits & old haunts. So I thought why the heck. I had no idea what to expect. Even now years later, that evening is a blur. I’d love to say that from that evening onwards, my lifestyle was ‘transformed’, that I ‘saw the light’ & that I never hit the pub again! Not quite.

One thing did remain with me though; it was the first time I’d heard of what the TM people, in their overview on different kinds of meditation, called a ‘Metta' Meditation practice. I remembered thinking, wow, if this is meditation, then maybe it’s not so esoteric & tricky after all.

According to, “Mettá is a Pali word which translates into English as Loving-Kindness or unconditional positive regard. Metta Meditation is a form of meditation which encourages connecting with pure loving kindness in a non-attached way.”

Fast forward to today; what is also known as Self-Compassion Meditation is now a firm favourite of mine. A simple but powerful practice that is easy to learn & practice yet so beneficial & even enjoyable.

I share this practice very often in different classes I teach & people respond to it so well, particularly those who think meditation must mean ‘emptying your mind’ or something equally difficult.

What is it?

Very simply, we learn to recognise, or indeed remember, that in order to be able to show compassion, love & understanding for others, we must first be able to show ourselves these same feelings.

It’s a bit like that announcement we hear just before flight take-off

‘be sure to adjust your own oxygen mask, before helping others.’

Loving-Kindness Meditation also encourages non-attachment; much like what is referred to in Yoga as Aparigraha. This ‘non-grasping’ can literally refer to ‘stuff’ as in, material objects in our ‘external’ lives, like possessions, material success, wealth & so on, but also very much it also refers to our ‘interior’ lives.

Not clinging to people, thoughts, habits or patterns.

So, we learn to first wish ourselves well so that we can genuinely wish others well, with no expectation of reward, benefit or even reciprocity.

We learn to forgive both ourselves & others while realising that that may necessarily very well not mean forgetting or reconciliation necessarily & being ok with that outcome.

We learn to find space for our feelings about & for ourselves & then for others. We learn to reduce or even drop our need to ‘better’ ourselves or change others & to cultivate self-acceptance.

What else will it ‘do’ for me?

In recent times, there has been much research into the physiological & psychological benefits of a Loving Kindness Meditation practice. Some of the many demonstrated benefits include:

  • increased feeling of joy, contentment, love & hope

  • higher life satisfaction - the ability of savour the small daily joys

  • increase in telomere length (a measure of our DNA ‘ageing’)

  • increase in ability to regulate emotional clarity - that is, really recognising how we feel, what is really going on inside;

  • increase in optimism about life in general which boosts resilience

  • immune-system boost

  • increase in feelings of gratitude

as well as

  • decrease in negative rumination

  • decrease in distress, anger & pain

  • decrease in depression & PTSD

  • decrease in migraine severity

How do I do it?

Like with any meditation practice, our Loving Kindness Meditation is best done in a quiet, calm space. However, once you are familiar with the practice, this really can be done anywhere, any time - I’ve done while waiting for a bus, sitting on a train, even standing in line at a supermarket!

To begin, sit comfortably, with your spine long, your shoulders relaxed & your eyes closed.

The words we say can vary (see example in the image above & there are many options you can find online ); these particular ones below are some of the simplest & therefore I find, are the easiest to remember & so are the easiest to actually practice:

‘May I be healthy, May I be happy, May I be at ease.’

You say this silently to yourself, with full awareness & intention, slowly 4 times.

You then move on as follows, sending those intentions to others, again silently, with full awareness & intention, slowly 4 times.

A good little rule of thumb to remember is ‘4x4’. What does that mean?

  1. Yourself - say the words as above 4 times.

  2. Someone you love, like or feel neutral about - say the same words 4 times.

  3. Someone who is a source of challenge to you (either right now or in general) - say the same words 4 times.

  4. The whole world (or just a phrase that makes personal sense to you like ‘all people everywhere’, ‘all sentient beings, ‘all God’s creatures’) - say the same words 4 times.

Once you’re finished, just sit quietly for a few moments or minutes longer, letting the effect of your practice reside within your being. Notice any sensations. Learning to tune into ourselves after our practice is great way to develop the habit & to stick with it.

When I first began, I was quite amazed to notice that my shoulders had eased down from my shoulders, that my breath of its own accord had become more even and slower & very often, I ended up with a little smile on my face. See what happens for you; we’re all different so release any pre-judgements or expectations & just try it. I’d love to hear from you after you give it a go.

Finally, if you’d like to learn more about Loving-Kindness meditation, there’s a marvellous woman called Sharon Salzburg who has written extensively on this practice; check her work out here. You can also check out a very lovely infographic on this subject too here.

Om Shanti

Liagh x


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